Jealous and I hate it

A good friend of mine just had a baby. I’m super happy for her but I’m fighting myself internally. Not with her. Just with things it brings up for me. I had my baby boy September 2020. I had an emergency C-section. Came home to no one helping. My husband week back to work the day after we got home from the hospital. My parents came over to see him and that was it. It was all on me at night. My milk didn’t even fully come in because I was in pain, stressed and exhausted. My husband didn’t help at night times because he had to work. He never had any kids before so didn’t know what to do so everything with our son was all me. His parents were out of state and my parents said they were staying away because of COVID. None of my friends helped. I literally had no one to help. We didn’t even get a baby shower. Barely any one got to see me pregnant or feel the bump or any of the fun stuff you look forward to.

My friend has her mom staying with her, her boyfriend gets up during the night. Hell her incision looks like it’s completely healed a week PP. Mine was a painful, gnarled mess few weeks after mine. She’s nursing like a champ because she’s able to get the rest she needs and she gets to shower every day because grandma is watching her baby. I was lucky if I could get a shower in every 1.5 weeks with my son.

I would never say any of this to my friend of course. I’m jealous and I hate it. I’m more just pissed off that COVID shit on everything when my son was born and all the shit I went through. But now two years later people I know are getting all the stuff I missed out on. I know I don’t sound happy for her. I totally am. Truly. Just what I’m struggling with myself. I’m glad she doesn’t have to experience what I did.