Husbands debt lien on house

I’m PISSED! We got a letter from the FTB and he owes over 34k to them for several years in taxes he never filed. Wtf! We’ve been married for only about 15 months and we have a 1 year old son. We just bought a house 1 year ago, too, using my grandmother’s $$ for the down payment. My husband’s father co signed so we can qualify for a conventional loan with a low rate. I knew about my husband’s situation before we married. He runs a business but NEVER filed taxes. Like ever! He had a pile of letters from the IRS and FTB. I made him hire an accounting firm and he filed 2020 taxes thanks to my help and paid. I thought he filed other years and was working on cleaning everything up but apparently not! I was mad, rightfully so, right? This is now fucking with the security of our family. I am with him for better or worse but don’t tell me over text today you are “feeling like I am losing myself in addressing everyone’s needs so i can’t be the best version of myself” he says “ I’m now living a life where everyone needs something from me. I’m living a life for other people and things. I need to listen to my mind/body/intuition/instinct” and continues to say “I’ve adjusted and changed every aspect you have asked me to do”. Well, because we now have a lien we can’t refinance and build the much needed second bedroom for our son. We have to continue room sharing. I have to make arrangements, spend hours on the phone and put him on a payment plan, reduce my spending, etc, etc until we deal with this. It feels so selfish that he’s text shit like that! Are you kidding??! Am I wrong? I mean sure I’m concerned he feels like he’s losing himself. I don’t want anyone I love to feel like this and I’ll address it. But I don’t have the luxury to ponder the need to listen to my mind and body. We all have to make sacrifices because of his stupid actions that have now snowballed. I’m just venting here. I’m going to deal with this and I’m not going anywhere but I’m so confused with his messages. This is a responsible person y’all. He owns a business and does well with bringing in money. But then I learned he has this debt and lost 100k in the stock market but it’s “his” money so I can’t say anything and he is feeling like he’s losing himself in the marriage and just working or living for me?!