Am I crazy for being upset?

Question

Last week I went in for D&C for our 2nd loss at 15 weeks. We have 4 living children. When I woke up from the surgery I had a heart complications. I had the crash cart called twice. So obviously I’m traumatized and I’m fucking scared. Now my husband has a full time job and usually it comes with 40 hours a week. He choose to work extra 40 hours for overtime pay to pocket the money or buy weeds with it. Keep in mind, no one not even his employer asked him to work extra hours. You can work those extra hours if you want to. Now I told my husband that I didn’t care if he were to go back to work full time but not the overtime because I needed him. I want him to be home more. I’ve told him that I’m very scared and that him being home makes me feel safe. Well he went back working 80 hours a week… by his own choice.

Answer

If you don’t need the money and he is not using the money for the family/household and only on things for himself then yes that’s hurtful. You obviously need and deserve some rest and a break after what you have been through.

Answer

I can see both sides HOWEVER maybe his way of dealing with the loss is by working too much 
People grieve in different ways especially men

Answer

Are you having significant financial hardship?
He needs to be there for you besides just being a provider. But I would object to my husband basically never being around, trauma or not, unless there was a very serious financial constraint.
Im so sorry for your loss and experience. My d&c went ok but my 4th birth was traumatic eg I thought I wouldnt survive at one point. Some people thought I should just be able to accept that all was fine in the end so no biggie, but post traumatic stress doesnt work based on logic. You need support.

Answer

Is he supporting the full household? “Pocketing the money” is known as Saving, correct? If he’s the sole provider for your home then him working extra makes sense. You have 4 children, you probably need the money. 
Weed isn’t that expensive, so don’t blame him working extra on wanting to buy more weed. 
But I would talk to him about cutting back the hours a bit. He can still work extra but maybe not 80 hours. I wouldn’t be happy with that either.

Answer

Do you think this 2nd loss has taken a toll on him emotionally too? My husband likes work for the most part. Especially now that he has his own business. He needs to stay busy all of the time. When he gets upset or depressed, the first thing he does is find out what he can do to keep his mind busy. No amount of weed can numb the heartache of a lost baby, but working hard helps you forget for a short time. Sorry you guys have gone through that.

Answer

I get you.
Could he also be scared and could work be his way of coping? For some working is their copi g mechanism so they don't have to deal with anything private. It's not ideal and it obviously has to be fixes somehow but just wondering if he could be fleeing his feelings?

Answer

I mean I definitely see both sides. I think 80 hours is a lot. But if he’s used to working overtime maybe it’s just his thing. I could see asking him for taking some time off from overtime with it being so recent. But I also would probably recommend you see a therapist if you’re that traumatized…

Answer

I’d go stay with family instead

Am I crazy for being upset?

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