My brain is broken

My brain is broken and I know it's stupid but I get this sinking feeling in my whole chest with different scenarios, like, in the night he rolls over to go to sleep or he's getting comfortable and he takes away his skin contact, me knowing physical touch is my love language(and really the only time he's not turning me on with no sex), feels almost like a drug withdrawal. I start to feel completely unwanted and unattractive when were not having sex because there's something that feels almost distant when there's no intimacy between us but it's not like he doesn't care he gives me cuddles and love and attention and kisses and hugs me all the time and it's so so thoughtful. I don't know exactly what's wrong with me. He gets allot of head and i feel a little sexually neglected sometimes cuz he gets to cum and i usually don't unless we're having sex. He usually turns me on throughout the day by touching on my thighs or grabbing me for deep kisses but most of the time we don't end up getting intimate he just gets head and then he'll continue what he's doing, which throws me into a spiral after a day or two cuz i literally get sexually frustrated and get that unwanted unattractive feeling. he thinks it's hilarious sometimes (the turn on post not the spiral) and i just wanna get intimate with by my boyfriend. That, plus whenever we do have sex I'm ALWAYS on top man. Don't you think MY knees hurt too riding and sucking all the time why i can't i get a dam break and get railed like your stupid celebrity fantasy.

Anyway. Thank you for listening to my rant. I needed to vent. Feel free to leave comments advice and if u live in tx lmk if there's anything I can do for cheap/free mental health.

**Did some context edits for details.**