I stupidly want another baby

I have 2 boys, 4 & 2. I swore I was done, like I just had this feeling. And our last baby it wasn't an easy ride with him. He was in the nicu for 2 weeks with jaundice issues, he almost needed a blood transfusion and it was very scary overall. I feel like jaundice isn't something that is talked about a whole lot. Or known to be serious when it very much is. I also had PPD, and because of that I had a very hard time to bond with our 2nd as a baby. Or so it seemed anyways. I also actually had a miscarriage when he was 3 months old, and I literally hated my husband for it. I remember it all so clear. I told him to pull out since I wasn't on BC yet, and he didn't and I told him how I just knew I'll end up pregnant because I'm still in the high risk of being fertile since I was breastfeeding. And so I just knew and I was angry. Sure enough a month later we found out I was pregnant and I was pissed. I flipped out on him for not respecting me, and just feeling like I wasn't ready for another baby or didn't even want another. 2 weeks later went by, I was finally accepting the fact, my husband and I were on better terms and I lost the baby. I was devastated. I felt so guilty and like it was all my fault. Like if I didn't get so angry at first, and wish it didn't happen maybe I wouldn't have lost it.

Well now I'm having really bad baby fever. I feel like our family isn't complete. I see old pictures of when my boys were babies and I get instantly sad over it. I just know I want another. My husband doesn't want any more though, which I know I have to respect. But I just can't shake this feeling. And I feel so wrong for having it.