How do I break the cycle?

Growing up I had to eat all the food on my plate before I could leave the table, couldn’t have any toys outside of my room and I was terrified of my parents. I was terrified of doing something wrong and getting spanked.

I have three children. My oldest I’m pretty sure has ADHD. His pediatrician wouldn’t listen to me and said ‘all boys are like that’ I beg to differ lol.

He is 4 years old and talks about killing, killing people, animals, guns, bad shows and tries to cuss. I don’t know where he picked up on it from. I don’t do that.

He’s always sad looking. And says all the time, “mommy, im sad” does this sound like normal behavior from a 4 year old?

He doesn’t listen. No matter how much I try and do the ‘gentle parenting”

The other day he got electrocuted or almost, im not sure 🥺 because he got up on the shelf and grabbed scissors and cut a cord plugged in the wall! He was so scared and was shaking! I called my mom and asked for her advice and she said, “make sure he’s ok, give him a spanking and put him in bed….” She then said “if your dad was there he would’ve spanked him butt”

I’m over it. Yes, he knew better to not use the scissors but he didn’t know cutting a cord can electrocute him. He doesn’t even know what that means. I am his mom and I want better. I remember feeling so small and ppl not validating my feelings. 💔

Something more wrong could’ve happen that night, but it didn’t. I just need help. How do I break this cycle?

So far I don’t make him eat if he’s full and offer him food he likes… I do spank him sometimes and so time out. I need help. No judgement, please. I want to do better! 💛