Pregnant with a narcissistic, abusive ex-partner

Hi everyone.

Currently, I am 11w6d along. I found out I was pregnant at 3w6d. Around the time I found out, I was with the father of my child. We had been back together after a 3.5 month hiatus following a dv incident, where he was arrested. Foolishly, I went back and conceived our child 2 weeks after we reconnected.

From there, it went downhill. He went from being fully supportive and excited (it would be both our first child) to pushing for me to have an abortion. During arguments, he would give me “me or the child” ultimatums, where if I chose the child, he said I would be a single mother, he would have no involvement in the pregnancy, but he expects to be notified when the child is born so he can sign the birth certificate and co-parent. He constantly questions the paternity of the child, stating that I could’ve had another partner over when he wasn’t around, said we’re not ready to be parents and that this child is meant to be a “sacrifice” for our future children, mentioned going to a lawyer to have paperwork drawn that explicitly states that he, “never wanted this child,” amongst a slew of other things. He lacks full accountability and blames me for the way he behaves and also the reason he was arrested, had pending charges for our domestic dispute. He constantly berates and gaslights me any chance he gets. We no longer live together, but before he was blocked he would intentionally start arguments with me multiple times a week (I believe he was trying to get me to miscarry), and during my 6w ultrasound, he tried to start an argument w me in the waiting room with other people present.

Despite this, it has NEVER crossed my mind to have an abortion. The few times I’ve been told by close friends and family to consider it, I would set the appointment, and then cancel the day of. I have mentally, emotionally, and spiritually accepted that I am going to have this child albeit alone. I struggle bc I never believed in keeping a child away from their parent. However, I am concerned for both my well-being and that of my unborn child. He’s not a stranger to random pop ups at my apartment and eavesdropping on conversations from outside my door, prior to being pregnant, he’s threatened to slash my tires while actively playing w a switchblade in my face, amongst other abusive actions.

While I understand the severity of the situation and by no means undermine it, I want to keep my child as I’ve always, above all else, wanted to be a mother and am fully excited about this pregnancy despite what’s going on around me.

Him and I spoke this weekend after he was blocked for 2.5 weeks, and he told me that he wants to know when the child is born so we can make co-parenting arrangements. I told him no and reminded him that he’s done things that show he does not want to be a father. He sent me laughing emojis as his response and said, “it wasn’t a request.” As of right now, he’s blocked again on my phone, and I’ve already told him if he shows up at my house, cops will be called and a restraining order will be filed.

Just to make it explicitly clear, I have zero desire to be romantically linked with him, and my only concern now is having safety and peace. From my view, it’s the same on his end as he does not contact me nor has he showed up to my apt unannounced. However, I’m concerned about his intention behind now wanting to be fully involved with the raising of this child after pushing for an abortion for half of my first trimester.

I know this is a loaded situation, but any insight on how to navigate this space would be greatly appreciated 🤎