I just wanted to take some time to share my experiences with panic disorder that I've had my whole life but only diagnosed formally in my 20s. Needless to say, I've been run over by it many times... been bed ridden, lost bad amounts of weight because of it... you name it, I've felt it.

I am 35 now and am starting my family. I have a 6 month old boy who means everything to me along with his mother. I want to provide and be a great role model. For years, I feel like I've been working on "getting better" for this moment and while I have made enormous progress, I feel myself lacking. I got sick three weeks ago and it got followed up by a bad sinus infection and I was completely drained. My wife has been super supportive and tries to help out with the baby as much as possible (she is working from home and i am on leave for the baby for 5 months). I am extremely flustered because it has been a slow healing process and i cant be 100% for my family. While she says she is ok with helping, I do catch her crying of frustration at times and it breaks my heart. It also puts a lot more stress on me because I feel like it's my fault for not getting better quicker. I know this is a ridiculous thought but it still happens.

Now, she looks like she may be coming down with something and i feel a lot more pressure to just bite the bullet which i have been and have been completely drained. I don't want my baby being affected negatively so that also stresses me out. I also have to prepare moving into a new place, figuring out logistics for doing so, and making sure our son is taken care of in the meantime. I envy those that would just power through all of this and i try as much as possible. I know i need to rationalize and live in the now and such...but sometimes things just get to be a lot.

Anyway, i could go on for much longer but i dont want to trigger myself any more.