Regretting my abortion(TW:mentions suicide )

A year ago I found out I was pregnant while I was on the pill . I took its religiously to make sure I wouldn’t get pregnant but still ended up pregnant anyways. I found out on April fools day so when I told my boyfriend he thought I was pranking him . Once he realized it wasn’t a prank he immediately wanted me to get an abortion. At first I wanted to do it . because of our living situation and that we weren’t financially stable and over all just too young to start having kids. I went to my first scheduled abortion clinic appointment and the lady doing my ultrasound showed me the screen after I told her I didn’t want to see what it looked like. Then she printed out a picture for me to take home of the baby while at an abortion appointment. I ultimately told the ladies at the clinic that I didn’t want to go through with it because when I called in advance to see how much it would cost for the pill because I was still super early that it was 450$ and when I was actually there they told me 500$ plus 100$ for the ultrasound. So I only paid for the ultra sound and left without getting it done. After that experience I started to change my mind and I didn’t want to get rid of the baby but my partner kept saying that it’s the only choice I have and I ended up getting it done just before 10 weeks. It’s was the most traumatic, painful thing I’ve ever experienced and ever since I’ve been super suicidal and depressed. Me and my partner are still together and I want to tell him how I feel about the whole situation but I don’t think he would care because he doesn’t even feel bad that I had to do it in the first place . He’s no where as phased by this as I am. I just wish I could either go back in time and stop myself from doing it or that I can bump my head so hard that I forget the past year of my life . I really hate myself for letting others effect my decisions and now I have to live with this decision and remember it for the rest of my life.