Stillbirth

I’m 32 weeks and my baby is measuring behind. He dealing with growth restrictions. I be worried so much about losing my baby, and I just feel like I’m failing him. He seems to be moving less and less over time but I take the stress test every Monday he does fine during the test. I don’t know I j feel worried about losing my baby 😔even though i might be young and struggling right now mentally that’ll mess me up even more I’ve had two utis before and two times I experienced preterm labor. Sometimes I think that I’m a terrible maybe I don’t deserve to have this baby or any baby for all the wrong I did in my past I don’t know why I think this way but I been told at the beginning of my pregnancy that I was having an ectopic then I was told I was having a miscarriage then I was told my baby isn’t measuring like he should something about the blood flow being to fast. I just be having a lot of bad thoughts.