Speaking to someone new ?

Question

I’m speaking to a new guy and honestly he’s so nice but I’m still scared to get to close and me and him been talking for 3 days now 😌

Answer

Take it slow, let him earn your trust.

Answer

Awwwww congratulations 🎉

Answer

Take it slow and get to know him, it takes a good year to get to know someone and even then they can still surprise you. I am somebody who does not waste my time, a grill men like there’s no tomorrow, if they don’t like it, good thing I didn’t waste my time. I want to know everything under the sun, from are they jealous, possessive, insecure, I wanna know about their mental health, I wanna know how they handle anger and stress and will they take it out on me, I want to know about their history dating, do they have a history of cheating, I want to know if they have children, I want to know if they have anyone Who thinks that they are in a relationship with them, I wanna know what the family dynamic is like, I want to know what his relationship with his siblings and parents is like, I wanna know how he was raised, because often times people bring their baggage from childhood and take it out on you. I want to know every damn thing before I commit to anything. I want to know what they’re looking for that’s first and foremost because if you’re not looking for the same thing, then you’re wasting your time. If he’s looking for something casual or friends with benefits, and you’re looking for a relationship, don’t settle for that, I’m going to a friends with benefits hoping it’ll turn into more because it usually does not you end up losing a friend and a lover. I want to know if I’ve ever lived alone, do they clean up after themselves, otherwise you’re gonna be his mom or his maid doing so yourself, I want to know if he has stability in a job, if he’s a job hopper nope that means he has no stability￼￼. If he’s inconsistent in his life, he’s going to be inconsistent with you, disappearing, not hearing from him for days, etc. I tell men upfront effort and consistency are important to me, if you’re not making the effort, I’m not chasing after you, will not hear from me. I will match your energy and your effort. If you don’t hear for me, it’s because you haven’t reached out. If he goes to me good, I didn’t waste my time. Nobody wants to deal with a crazy mother-in-law, crazy baby mama, or anything else, I don’t have time for drama in my life or anyone to complicate my life more or clean out my bank account or anything else. As for yourself, you need to ask yourself are you ready to be dating, if you’re scared, maybe you have issues that you haven’t dealt with or healed from. That’s why I’m taking it slow in getting to know somebody is very important. And also making sure you’re looking for the same thing, because if he’s just looking for a hook up and you’re looking for a relationship, obviously you’re gonna end up disappointing and used. Well she didn’t put out after a week or a month, oh well I’m going to ghost her.￼ that’s the first thing you Gotta make sure that you’re both on the same page. Have you truly healed from whatever issues you may have had in the past, that’s the question you need to ask yourself otherwise you end up sabotaging your own happiness by overthinking, or sabotaging the relationship by blaming the new guy for what the last guy did which isn’t fair because you’re not even giving him a chance, are you really ready to be dating right now that’s the question you need to ask yourself. Or are you so scared that you’re gonna Sabotage your own happiness, your mental health and well-being, or over thinking every little thing he says and does, because if that’s the case then you’re definitely not ready to be dating. Or are you dating out of loneliness, because you don’t want to be alone, or are we settling for less because you don’t want to be a￼lone. Never allow loneliness or desperation to be the reason that you settle for less. Because you deserve the best, you deserve happiness, you deserve to have your own sense of homeostasis where you feel safe and at home in your own skin at the same token you deserve to find out and someone else as well but never look to anyone to fill a void that you are feeling. Never depend on anyone for your happiness or you will always be disappointed because happiness comes from within. A step back and look at the bigger picture within yourself, before you begin any relationship or dating again, and make sure that you were in the right mental and physical and emotional place that you can take on a relationship without it adding to your stress or anxiety or causing you not to sleep at night or anything else. And if you are in a place to be dating, then definitely take it slow and get to know him. Everyone puts on their best face in the beginning. Nobody says hi these are all of my negative things, this is what I plan to do to you, these are what my intentions are, nobody says hi I’m fresh out of jail, I have a crazy baby mama, my mother is crazy, Possessive and controlling like I’m her husband, nobody says I’m a narcissist she’s gonna treat you great and then treat you like shit, nobody says I’m gonna be a great boyfriend for about three months and then I’m going to ghost you, etc. everyone puts on their best face and act like prince charming in the beginning remember that, take anything he says with a grain of salt until his effort and his actions match those words. Take it slow and get to know him, if he disappears or ghosts you, then you know what his intentions were it was just to use you for sex￼￼. Good luck

Answer

Definitely take it slow, because even if he is a good guy, youll feel safer if you let him prove himself over time vs falling for a guy who is essentially a stranger. I used to say, yeah he seems like a really nice guy, check in with me again in 6 months to see if he really is, we shall see!

Speaking to someone new ?

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