Just venting

I’m so depressed.. my kids father (boyfriend) I’ve been with for 5 years but all those 5 years I’ve constantly begged for the bare minimum. Everytime I speak on something that bothers me I get told that it’s not my feelings and that I’m trying to start “a fight” my feelings get put last EVERYTIME. He claims he doesn’t get along with his mom because she’s never in our kids lives always misses holidays and birthdays and never checks on them. But she texted talking crap to him and right after that he started accusing me of turning everyone against him. Keep in mind his MOM hates me and always has treated me like an outsider and like crap and told him I’m not a woman enough for him. Anyways he kept basically saying that I’m not a “REAL woman” etc… basically overreacting to the fullest and blaming me for “People turning against him” I’m just so fucking depressed and upset I feel bad because my kids have to see me this way I owe them so much more than what I am right now. 😢😢😢😢