How can I get over my narcissistic ex?

I left my fiancee of almost 3 years and every day feels like a slow death. I don't have friends, I'm staying with my parents now unfortunately and the environment isn't much better.

Nights, for some reason, are worse. And last night I had to call my ex over something financial. We ended up having a heart to heart for a little while, about 5 minutes until my mother started yelling at me over something. We hung up, both crying, and my ex said we could talk again today. Well today it's the usual stonewalling, cold, don't text me because you're pushing me and I regret texting you from her. I only really asked if we could still talk tonight and when she said no I asked why naturally.

I have no freaking idea why I still have feelings or care. I couldn't stand being around her, but I can't stand being without her either. We lived together since day 1 of our relationship and I have no idea what to do. It's awful and I feel like I'm slowly bleeding out on the floor, but that would be so much faster and so much less painful.

My plan is to call someone tomorrow and get mental help because this is agonizing and I don't know what to do. I want to die, I don't know who I am anymore or what I can do to help myself heal. I'm so lost and I feel ashamed of how I feel and how desperate I am... and I'm the one who left. But that almost makes it worse. My head is a train wreck.

And not that it matters, but I want everyone to know I'm also a woman.