I couldn’t hate TTC more than I do today…

⚠️ TW: mention of losses

This is gonna be a doozy because I’m so frustrated with this entire situation and I need to let it all out. So bare with me 🥺

I’ve had 4 miscarriages. For years I’ve been told I have a deformity in my uterus that was causing them, but no doctor would go to any length to attempt to correct the issue.

I had my fourth loss in July of 2021. I finally found a doctor that has listened to my concerns and has actually taken action to figure out why this keeps happening.

He referred me to the Endocrinologist I’ve been seeing for about 7 months. My Endo is just as amazing. We’ve found a number of issues including a hypothyroidism diagnosis, bicornuate uterus, and an autoimmune issue that hasn’t quite been identified yet. They’ve put my on medications and have set me up for consultations with both a high risk pregnancy doctor, and a rheumatologist to prepare for future pregnancies.

My current cycle is so fucked it’s not even funny. I’m usually right on track with a super regular cycle. But 4 days after my period ended I started spotting and it continued for 2.5 weeks, some times being almost black and so heavy I needed to wear a pad. So we set up an ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. It was determined that I didn’t ovulate. my Dr said not to worry and my body would get back on track.

Then 3 days later my spotting stopped & I got a positive opk. So I’ve been on my toes and watching for symptoms and waiting for AF to show. She never did.

Yesterday I took a First Response test. It had a very clear indent so I trashed it. This morning I took another, and it had a faint line, visible but faint. I immediately messaged my dr to get labs done. Meanwhile I took a digital with 2nd morning pee and it came back positive. So I was expecting to just hear how my levels were looking from my labs. My blood work came back negative….

I’m livid. I’m so angry as this whole process and I just want it to be over. How on earth do you get 2 false positives ??? These tests and my blood work were less than 3 hrs apart.

I’m just so tired. 🥺 This is so emotionally taxing. I swear the further we get into the process the more shit we find wrong with me and I don’t feel like it’s ever going to end. I just want to start my family