*Trigger Warning* Eating Disorder

Hi everyone,

I am not sure where to post this. But I am recovering from anorexia with bulimic tendency’s. I haven’t been able to open up about it really so I thought I’d try on here. I have struggled with an eating disorder for 14 long years (I mean everyday purging at least once a day & restricting). So now I have been going to drs appointments to see if there has been any permanent physical damage. I can’t deny the fact that I am so scared that I may have damaged my body in some massive way or that I may have caused my self to get something that’s irreversible. I am at day 19 of not purging and only mildly restricting (in my eyes it’s mild but to someone with out an Ed it may seem more restrictive). But 19 days is the longest I’ve gone in the last 14 years. I am trying for the first time in my life I actually feel like I want to live. I want to be here for my kids. I want to be a present mother. An all I can think about is what if it’s to late. Although I am trying to stay strong in my faith and I believe God has been motivating me more than ever. Anyway for everyone struggling with something similar know that your not alone. Know that I know there isn’t a shiny shimmering light at the end of a very clear tunnel, I know it’s hard and most days seem impossible but there will be a day that changes everything a day that offers a split second of opportunity to recover. An you’ll have to fight like hell to get through it and sometimes you will break, fail, relapse, and have to start over. That’s ok. Just know your not alone. Like I said for me it’s been 14 long devastating depressing years. I am only 19 days out with so much longer to go (I hope life wise) and fight wise. But maybe if we can find each other we can find hope and motivation.