I need help🥺please don’t bash me..

It’s taking a lot in me to write this & I just want to let this off my chest. I’m not sure what to do ..

I am 23 & I have 2 kids with my ex fiancé. My son is 7 & my daughter is turning 2. I left my ex fiancé in the end of my pregnancy with our daughter .. fast forward to today. I just broke up with my ex boyfriend who I dated for a year but In January 2022 I found out he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend *flirting & exchanging nudes** & he cheated on me with others by flirting online with other females who so happened to be some females I know who lives near us. Well when I found out I was hurt & I broke up with him.. a week later I found out I was pregnant **it was unexpected* I did let him know & later on we decided to try again on us dating but as time passed I realized I’m not happy, I’m not in love since he cheated on me but also he started a behavior of disrespecting me just because. & on top of that he has a habit of sexually touching me when I tell him to stop & I ask why he did iu he just says “I felt like it” & he finds it funny.. he keeps doing it many times & it makes me furious & it’s also why I don’t want to be withh him since I want a man who respects me. He was never like this but now he is & I hate it.. I am a victim of rape & molestation growing up. So him doing that triggers me of anger.. so I know I don’t want to be with him but my issue is .. I also don’t feel like I’m ready to be a mother to a 3rd babe🥺for my last pregnancy I wanted it to be years from now & I wanted it to be with someone I’m in love with & who respects me & who I’m engaged too or even married! I don’t think mentally I can care for a baby especially that my son who’s 7 needs a lot of help he has a severe case of ADHD, Autism & more things! He id aggressive with other kids & I take care of him by myself & I struggle with him so does the school & everyone. I just wanted to focus on him & my daughter but I’m pregnant.. I’m 19 weeks! I LOVE being pregnant I love my sons kicks & talking to him. But I don’t feel like I’m emotionally ready to be a mother to him & a big part of me wants to give him to adoption **to my sister who’s 27** she has no kids due to her condition & her fiancé & her wants a baby to adopt. So I will be around him still whenever my sister visits! But I have mixed emotions .. it’s hard I don’t feel a bond! & I didn’t want this for my last pregnancy😣😣am I a horrible person???! I feel horrible for feeling this way! It’s not that I can’t afford to take care of him because I can I have all his stuff ready but mentally & emotionally I just feel like I can’t raise him.. & it’s not what I wanted for myself & I want the best for him.. thank you for listening ladies! I’m sorry it’s long