Lies ? Are Feelings and Dreams The Same?

Guys This Has Tooken A Toll on Me For Over a Year . I Have to Get Opinions Cause IKnow I’m Not Trippen .

My Boyfriend & I Been Together 2 Years Now . We Just Had A Bit Of a Argument and His Favorite Artist Just Dropped Whos Name Is Chris Brown . As We Are Listening to it I Am Thinking On How The Artist Speaks On All These Things And About Love Etc So I Got I’m My Feelings . My Bf Is Now In The Living Room Upset Which I Been Upset For The Last Year And Months And Ill Explain Why . My Bf Talked on How He Wanted A Family With Me And Wanted to Get Me Preggo Right Away After Being Together Fully One Month . Also We Overall Started Talking / Messing Around In 2019 and Stopped Almost The Ending Of 2019 Cause I Wasn’t Ready For A Relationship But I Knew I Loved Him . In 2020 Of April We Started Back Talking . Early July We Got Serious And He Would Talk About Children, How Much He Loved Me , Forcing Everythingg , Was So Sweet And a Gentleman . He Bought Things Then Often Told Me How He Felt About Me Gave Me That Affection. I Would Say , “ No Babe It Isn’t Time For Kids Yet We Need to Take Our Time” . He Literally Wined And Cried to Me . We Fell So In Love So I Would Tell Him Jwoi We Dont Need Rush . Months Past We Are Enjoying Life Together With Our New Relationship , Happy , I’m Meeting His Family His Meeting Mine . But Mostly He Always Wants Me Around His Family But Hesitant to Come Around Mine . It’s Never Been A Problem When It Came to His Tho But Anyways I Ended up Finding Out I Was Pregnant At The Beginning- ish of October And I Waited to we Got to The Apartment To Tell Him I Was . We Came In Sat On The Bed . I Told Him Babe Well Look , Showed Him The Test And Told Him I’m Pregnant. He Smiled For A Sec Then It Slowly Faded Away And He Started Looking Crazy Then Got Up Laid Down In The Bed And Went to Sleep Without Sayn Anything . I Was Hurt to My Core . I Then Went In The Living Room And Balled My Eyes Out . It’s Like He Didnt Care When He Really Wanted it More Than Me And I Wanted to Give Him That Yk . Overall Felt Ashamed of it All . I Asked God Does He Care ? What Was That ? Is He Serious ? I Just Looked Out The Window While It’s Pitch Dark in The House & Was So Lost For Words . I Felt So Alone. About 3 Hours Later He Came In The Living Room and Told Me to Come to Bed . Yes I Fell Asleep On the Couch That’s How Upset I Was . Days Past … He Told All His Family After I Told Him Not to Cause I Want Make Sure Everything Goes Right But He Didnt Listen . He Was There For Me But Not at The Same Time . I Made A Doctor’s Appointment And Everythingg. About a Week Later I Went to Go Get Seen Etc And Everythingg Was Fine . Another Week Past or 2 And During Those Weeks I Had Weird Dreams About Things Standing Over Me and I’m Screaming In My Sleep . I Was Going Threw Changes With My Body And I Didnt Understand. One Dream I Had I Was Laying On The Couch & It Was Like I Was On The Couch I’m The Dream And It Was A Huge Blue Print Face In The Back of The Couch and it’s Looking Right at Me. All of a Sudden In The Dream my Stomach got Pulled up Like Something Grabbed Me By The Shirt / Stomach So Hard . That Made Me Wake up With My Heart Racing And I Was Skeptical. The Last Dream I Had Was My Bf Looked Down And Said Your Bleeding 🩸. Then , I Woke up . We Did The Ykyk And Hours Later I Started Bleeding or Maybe it Was A Day can’t Remember Exactly. I Told Him and He Said His Mom Suggested We Go to Another Appointment ASAP So We Did Just That A Day or 2 Later . Doctors Verified I Was too Early They Cant See Anything However it Is A Nice Amount Of Blood Like A Period So It May or May Not Be A Miscarry. My Heart Dropped Cause I Knew it Was . His Mom & Him Told Me Not To Worry . It Could Just Be From This Being My First pregnancy, Deep Down I Knew That Wasnt The Case . I Then Eventually Only Told My 2 Sisters And My Cousin And They Were Happy and Praying For Me . A Couple Weeks Past And It Was Confirmed I Miscarried. Once Again He Was There For Me But Wasnt . It Was like it Was A Relief to Him And I Went Threw it All Alone It Felt Like . I Cried For Days Even Tho I Never Seen it Cause of Being 5-6Weeks . I Felt My Body Changing and Was Excited. Now Since All That Happened I’ve Been Healing But It Bothers Me And Heres Why. We Cannot Enjoy Sex Without Him Asking Did He Nut In Me And Steady Asking Me Over And Over When We Use Condoms. Now He Has Became Annoying With it And It Brings Me Back to When He Told Me All Those Things and Switched up So Quick When He Saw How it Is to Have a Apartment / Life Responsibilities Which I Understand. However He Fed Me A Dream Then When It Went Down in Real Life , It’s Not The Same Energy or No Emotional Support . Now When We Have Sex It’s To Where He Makes Me Feel Like He Doesnt Want Kids With Me Which Hurts , Cautious About The Condom Asking Me All That Night And All The Next Day If He Nutted in Me . Even Tho I Dont Want Kids Rn Anyway But That Situation Made Me Look At Him Different . He Wants to Do Sex His Way , I Always Hear Him About His Family And Thoughts But He Never Listens to Mine And Always Butts In When I Am Explaining Things When It Dont Even Be About What I’m Talking About. He Makes It About Him and What He Wants . Then Says Nah That’s Me. I Just Get Triggered Cause How He Was Before Isn’t The Same . The Love And Affection , Is That The Life He Wanted With Me ? I questioned . He Just Changed Over Night on Me And I Fell For It . He Doesn’t Know What I Felt How Hard it Was For Me . I Just Wanna Be Heard By The Man I Call My Bestfriend. I Wanted to Vent. What you Guys Think About This ? I’m Fed up Cause He Isn’t There For My Intimately Anymore It’s Like We Off Track . Now We Aren’t Speakn . What Should I Do?