Today is finally here

“I have to admit, somewhere deep inside, I was afraid it’d never come” ~Tereasa C

“God May my dreams and plans give way to your will, You are more than enough for me. The things I want in this life cannot mean more to me than you do.”

I have to start by saying that waiting on God is not an easy thing to do. That’s the truth! One thing I know that God wanted from me was a surrender.

In January 2022, I started the year off doing a 21 day fast. The first week went very well. The second week I started to fall off a bit with my eating but I was still committed to spending time with the Lord every day. Also during the second week I contracted COVID-19 for the second time. Going into the third week was pretty rough but I was still committed to spending time with the Lord. Though some of the days were a struggle, God had begun to minister to me and give me such a peace of mind. I remember praying and telling God how tired I was of worrying and feeling a bit enslaved at the things that I want in this life and honestly it’s exhausting. So instead of me praying a prayer that is laced with fear and disappointment; which is “God help me not to want it at all because then I won’t be hurt if I don’t get it”, I begin to pray a prayer It sounded more like “God I want more of you, God I just want your presence. God I just want to know you, I just want your will for my life. You are so much more to me than anything I could gain in this Earth” I won’t be enslaved to fear and worry. I will seek you with my whole heart and nothing else matters.

About the third week of January my husband and I went to a friends house to have a night of worship and prayer. During that time of fellowship, my husband was led to pray for everyone in the room individually. After praying for our friends and their children, he called me over so that he could pray. As he prayed over me I remember feeling like I just needed to hear a word from God. I remember him “my Husband saying “God says, I know I’ve taken a lot, but I have more to give. His hearts affection is you Tereasa, my sweet Tereasa! It’s not too late” I just cried. it’s like I could feel the weight of each word, And the peace that God gave me after that was unbelievable. I rested in him right then. I said to myself “God I want what you want for me!”

One week later I had the absolute worst panic attack I’ve ever had! I was so fed up as it was something I suffered with a few times per month. I was done! I was so done feeling this way! I said God how do I experience breakthrough but I’m constantly gripped by anxiety? I couldn’t control it at all. It would hit me at the most random times. All I’d tell myself is “breathe”. My Husband held me and covered me with blankets because I was shaking so badly and sobbing. After about 30 min I started to calm down. I think this was the result of “background, suppressed anxieties that were coming to a head without my consent “ I think this was God’s way of getting me on a path to “trust ONLY him”.

We were talking with specialists, going to appointment after appointment. My husband always reminded me of course to just trust God and he remained quite stoic about the topic which bothered me at times, (I guess I needed someone to panic with😂) but I now know that his peaceful, trusting approach is exactly what I needed.

I’ve watched ALL of my friends over the years grow their families. I’ve had to support and be happy and push through some of the most painful seasons of my life. I’ve been told that I lived in fear! That I just needed to relax! I knew that God wanted my full trust, But it was hard to trust him. I Knew God wanted to build discipline in me. I knew he wanted me to surrender FORREAL! It took a while, but I believe that’s when God gave me a yes! Let God be true and every man a liar! What did GOD SAY??? Don’t stop believing what HE SAID!! No help, no specialist just GOD!

Cheers to a moment that I wasn’t sure I’d get a chance to share😭

I’m having a baby and I can’t believe it. 🤰🏻