I was about 7 or 8 years old and my cousin went over to my house. I think she's if not a whole year at least a few months younger than me. We didn't really get to see each other as much, I feel like I could count the times she went over to my house. On this specific time she told me that she wanted to play a new game, "boyfriend and girlfriend", she told me that we would just have to say romantic things to each other but we would have to do it under the bed so no one could hear us, when we got underneath the bed she told me to take off my underwear but just my underwear and that she was going to kiss me down there and that I had to do the same thing. She then proceeded to lick me, I didn't do it to her, we were on an 69 position but I didn't know that was a sexual act back then, all that I could think of was that she peed through there and I did not wanted to put my face there. She kept telling me, "you're not doing it, do it right, do it!". I can't remember for how long we were there, I don't remember feeling anything, I wasn't scared, I wasn't aroused, to me it just seemed like a game, I don't know how we stopped, I just remember she telling me afterwards not to tell my mom or she was going to tell our grandma that we played "boyfriend girlfriend" and I was going to get in trouble. I never mentioned anything, I seriously thought i could get in soo much trouble for pretending to have a boyfriend at 7 years old. I never really thought anything about the oral sex until one day I over heard my parents arguing because they had just recently found out that our uncle have been raping raping her and my grandma refused to turn him into the authorities. In my mind something just clicked that he must've done it to her. I was about 13 years old, my parents turned him in and we never saw them again. I can't stand oral sex, like... I love giving it, but I would not let anyone do it to me, every guy I've been with tells me that I'm the only girl that doesn't like it. I tried letting someone do it before and it turned me off immediately. I just cannot understand... was I raped? Would this count as rape? Does it have something to do with the fact that I cannot enjoy receiving oral sex? I just recently got ahold of her phone number, should I try to call her? I don't even know what to do. I just know that since I realized that I had sex at 7 years old I've always feel dirty somehow. What should I do?