went home with this guy thursday night (it’s saturday today). from seeing his house i knew i wanted to leave. there were drugs all over and it was clear in that

context he was really, really high. i was a little scared and figured i would be nice and find a way to get myself out of the situation. no. he wanted to have sex and he couldn’t come (high) and kept blaming me. i would apologize and try again and again and then i started trying actively to leave — i would say like obviously i’m not doing a good job, can i just go, and he FLIPPED out, saying he needed this, if he didn’t get off “people will die”. he broke his lamp and it shattered on the floor. he lost his phone and accused me of stealing it and was screaming at me while i found it (under the couch). i had my phone in my hand to call his with so i tried to call an uber — he made me cancel it. we went back to having sex and i considered just booking it with whatever i could grab and asking a neighbor for help or something….but eventually he calmed down and begged me to see him the next day. i agreed and said i would pretty much do anything if he would let me leave. i called an uber and ran out with my shoes in my hands and no top, just my jacket. i was running down the street and contacted the driver and asked him to meet me a couple blocks away. he did. i started crying and the driver was so kind, he asked if i wanted to go to a hospital and i just wanted to go home.

i spent yesterday trying to convince myself it didn’t happen. i spent most of today asleep. whenever i wake up i feel ok for a bit and then i remember. i have a ton of bruises and my throat hurts so it’s hard to ignore.

is there any way to stop thinking about it? i got out safe. i want to move past it — i wish i could just forget it. i’ll take any help you can offer 🥺🥺🥺