The real reason is as simple as this: majority of people don't understand how to see things from other perspectives. Just because you believe something doesn't mean it is the "right" way and others are controlling or jerks for seeing it differently. There are exceptions, sure. For example, if your beliefs include forcing things onto others that cause distress, that's an exception. However, even when it comes to comments on here, I see people call others controlling just because they don't want porn in their relationship or smoking, etc. Just because you watch porn in your relationship doesn't mean others are controlling for not wanting it. If you and your partner can watch it and not suffer from insecurity, lying, or diminished sexual performance, good for you. However, others are not controlling for saying they don't want that in their relationship. In fact, porn can be extremely damaging. If you don't care that your partner is out alone with a woman you don't know or trust, good for you. Hope he doesn't end up cheating. However, no one else is controlling just because they have boundaries. It gets controlling when there isn't an actual good reason for it and they start acting abusive or hypocritical. If a person has been cheated on in the past, they aren't controlling for having boundaries that prevent that from happening again. Their partner is free to leave if they don't like those boundaries-- they aren't being "forced" to do anything. It's like just because you don't have any boundaries, you think it's controlling to speak up for yourself. Some of us don't want to get walked all over. Some of us actually want our relationships to work long term and be healthy.

You having boundaries is not bad, there just needs to be a reason for them that you communicate to your partner. If they aren't willing to meet your needs, they can leave. You need to be open to meeting *each others'* needs though. If you expect your partner to change everything for you and you don't do the same or question your boundaries (like asking a therapist or friend if it's unhealthy), that *is* in fact controlling. I see women on here who seem open to other ideas and ask for honest advice, then they get called "controlling" or get told "if you don't like it, break up with them so they can find someone better". Hello. They are asking for advice because they are trying to make sure they aren't doing something wrong.

Women really don't seem supportive of other women on here many times. They jump to acting like they know what's best and anyone who disagrees politely is still horrible. Instead of trying to offer advice and understand the situation, they are looking to judge someone. I wish I could say things are so black and white that we could have beliefs that are like a blanket or catch-all, but it isn't that simple. Even I have to go through every day questioning if I'm right or wrong about something, and even then, many times situations aren't that easily decided as "right" or "wrong". We as a society want things to be simpler, so we try believing they are simple. Instead of putting ourselves in someone else's shoes and seeing it from *their* point of view, we insert ourselves in the situation from *our* point of view. This is also why for example, some Americans like judging immigrants for coming over illegally. They think "well you're breaking the law. I wouldn't do that, so you're a bad person who deserves to be punished." Here's this scenario which many immigrants come across: let's say you have your family and kids in Mexico. You saw a crime and now you're being threatened by gangs or drug lords. The police are corrupt, so they don't help you. Your children are at risk. You apply for a visa to go to the US legally, but it takes years to know if you'll actually be given legal entry. You don't have that time. Or, you pay a lawyer to help, and they just keep asking for more money but not actually helping you. Some Americans would still say, "I still wouldn't enter illegally." Just because you wouldn't do that for your family doesn't mean others are wrong for doing so. It is more complicated than that. They aren't completely "right", as they broke the law, but they aren't "wrong" either. It depends on what your morals are and what is more important to you. The real answer is that the US needs immigration reform that actually makes it easier for immigrants to seek shelter legally. And even then, the way to do that isn't simple.

This inability to be open minded, to listen to other ideas, and to be judgemental is what causes so many problems in the world AND in relationships. People can't be truly honest without someone else being offended. If you don't conform, you're wrong and even evil. I wish a simple post could fix this, but it most likely won't. What'll happen is people will totally miss the point, hyper focus on one thing I said, and shit talk me. And that's why people feel they can't speak out against the norms, feel depressed/ anxious, and we keep having war after war.

You can think I'm a know it all who thinks I'm better than everyone. That's what I expect. But you're wrong. I have anxiety every time I speak my mind. I am always questioning myself, and I always compare myself to others. But the reason I posted anyways is because I can't live my life without trying to change people to where we can be more peaceful and listen to each other. Even though it might be worthless, at least I tried. Idk if anyone understands me or made it to the end, but I hope this reached someone in a positive way. If you disagree with me politely, I would love to discuss our ideas. If you're going to ignore my points or act rude, I'm just letting you know now it's not worth a discussion.

Peace and love.