Am I the asshole?

This is gonna be sooo long so please bear with me.

So I want to start by saying my sister is extremely generous. She’s always been really kind and it’s just who she is. We are all quite generous in our family actually but my sister more so. My husband and I have good jobs and we do not struggle but my sister does give me some additional money (equivalent £200) every month as she earns a lot. Initially it was in exchange for some admin work (yes she pays me like an employee so all legal) but then I realised it wasn’t necessarily because she wanted me to work for her, it was because she had a lot and was being generous. I felt really uncomfortable with it as I wasn’t really doing anymore work for her and was getting paid so I told her if she didn’t give me work, then I didn’t want paying as I didn’t want to be paid for doing nothing. She agreed to this and that stopped. But she would put the odd £100 or £50 in my account every few months just because she’s nice.

I recently took a paycut (like 11k a year paycut) because my old job was really affecting my mental health and it just wasn’t worth it anymore. My sister said she’ll give me the difference for a few months until my husband got the promotion we are expecting. I told my sister this was not necessarily as we are ok (we really are, we still save £500 a month after everything despite my paycut). She insisted and even told my mum she doesn’t understand why I don’t like accepting gifts from her (not just her, I don’t really accept much from other people either). My mum spoke to me and said she wasn’t happy and I needed to take the £500 a month she offered us. So I said ok but I still wasn’t comfortable with it. If I was struggling, it would be a different case. I even said to her if you give us this money I’m going to end up saving it as we really are ok.

Now here’s the problem. I don’t like the way she speaks to me sometimes. Yes she’s my older sister but she sometimes talk down at me and I can’t help but think it’s because she sometimes does stuff for me (maybe I’m stupid for thinking this). She’s so depressed to the point that it’s all I hear about and gives me all this money, yet she won’t go see a therapist. I’ve told her countless of times because I feel like every time she has a problem, I’m one of her go to person and it’s exhausting. I’m also on antidepressants and don’t think it’s necessarily fair on me but I can’t say no to her.

She’s also looking to buy a property near me (she currently live 4 hours away) so every viewing and phone call to book with estate agents have fallen on me since December last year. She’s had 2 houses fall through through no fault of her own, but she’s also picky when it comes to buying houses so it’s sooo hard. She once made me go view a house and when she realised it was on a main road, told me it wasn’t her cup of tea. After I drove 30 mins. The last one I went to was an hour round trip which got cancelled. I’m literally sick of going to these viewings. She lives in a big city so properties are even more expensive there. We were meant to start a joint business on the side and it’s been all about how SHE wants to run it, what she wants me to do, how she wants to do it etc and I’m sick of it. So I’ve told her not only do I want to now do the business separately, I also want her to call for all of her own viewings. I’m still happy to do the viewings for her but I’m not calling the estate agents anymore because it’s so awkward everytime having to explain that I’m actually not the one buying, it’s for my sister blah blah. I feel bad saying all this but it’s absolutely necessary for my own mental health too . I am most definitely not taking that £500now. I never wanted it to begin with. I almost feel like she does these things to keep me right where she wants me. Even though I don’t know if I truly believe that. Am I being over the top? What would you do?