Please help me understand. My wife is currently 34 weeks pregnant and this is her second pregnancy. This one has been very rough on her as she is high risk from PPROM with her first son and now this one it's 20x more likely to happen again. Anyway we had our baby shower yesterday after she canceled it 2 weeks ago due to her abcess tooth and the weather not permitting, she was a nervous wreck all day long prepping for this baby shower that her mother and grandmother were supposed to have taken control of for us because my wife just wanted a simple BBQ but they wanted more. My wife ended up having the weight of decorations and picking up the food slapped on her and from that point forward I could tell she was overwhelmed and stressed. I kept telling her to just leave it alone and stop caring so much what people thought if it was causing her so much stress but she was very reluctant to letting it go. It was like she couldn't just stop she had to make it happen.. at one point a family member called her mother and her mother having the phone on speaker for the whole room to hear including my wife, stated that she was bringing a bunch of stuff from her son's house that they no longer needed including a car seat because they didn't plan on having any more kids. My wife stopped in the midst of decorating. Looks at her mother and silently mouths "What the actual fuck" , little back story on that is that my wife can not stand other people dropping stuff off on her that she doesn't need or know what to do with. She told me way before hand that she was nervous people weren't going to get us what we really needed for our baby but would rather use the shower as an opportunity to drop old items off from their shed and with us only having a 1 bedroom, 1 bath house we didn't have the space. Anyway, her mother motions her to calm down and my wife doesn't say anything more, once the phone call ends her mother starts saying "You better not upset my aunt for bringing all this stuff, you need to say thank you and leave it be." My wife gets this look in her eyes and says "of course I'd never do that but we don't even need that stuff and the carseat we aren't using because we don't know if it's been in an accident or has a recall or expired parts on it. You don't use used car seats because they could be faulty." Her mother argued with her about how she just needed to be grateful someone got us a car seat because that was a big item on our list. My wife let the conversation go but she walked off to the bathroom and I followed in pursuit behind her, she tried to hide off in their to cry on her own but I wasn't gonna let that happen so I told her to talk to me about it. This woman broke into tears and said she was so upset that we were getting a used car seat and that no one was gonna help us buy a new one now (her grandmother had planned on helping us buy a new one) because we already had.one but she.was scared to use it because of how old it was. I told her we'd just toss it and figure out how to get a new one. She called down and we went on about our day. She started hurting really bad and just all around wasn't enjoying herself, because she made several trips up and down a set of stairs by her mother's request. I tried my best to make her feel better all day long but she was still cranky from the pain. Once the aunt arrived with the items, I saw basically what my wife was referring to, 98% of the items brought by her aunt were old, dirty, missing parts and we had no use for. None of them were listed on our registry but my wife smiled through the gift opening and thanked everyone. "The aunt didn't stay she just dropped the items and left ." We end the baby shower with my wife just staring at the car seat. Her father walks over after cleanup and starts bragging on us not having to get a car seat now, my wife very bluntly states. It's an old car seat and we are using it for our baby. Her father is in a fuss about us not using it and starts looking up the car seat online to show how much it is brand new, my wife kept stating that didn't matter because it's not new and we don't know what's happened to it. In the midst of this uncomfortable situation I decided to start asking her "why isn't it a good car seat after an accident, what makes it faulty? What gets damaged internally that causes it to not be safe" I just wanted to learn more as to why we couldn't use it but my wife snapped and had to look it up on Google as to what inside the car seat gets damaged but she just flat out stated we weren't sticking our child in it because we don't know. She was very blunt about it and had a stern voice I could immediately tell the tables had turned on me.. my wife left the room and started going through items and just sat in the floor and cried at this point I'm pretty tipsy and don't know what to do. So I just did what she asked and carried stuff to our vehicle. After this I also had invited her brother and his girlfriend, plus 2 of her cousins back to our house for a bonfire, it's about 10:00 at this point, I did ask her if it was OK and she said it's whatever you want to do. We get back to the house and she is frantic to get the house keys from me to run inside our house and start cleaning because "she's embarrassed our kitchen is a mess and didn't want guests to see" I told her to take a deep breath and calm down that it wasn't that big of a deal, so what if our kitchen is dirty. She starts yelling at me that she is not a nasty person and she doesn't want people thinking we are nasty. That SHE CARES. Headlights pull in behind us and she yelled for me to give her the damn house keys before people start coming in, she snatches then and runs inside, I get inside and shes sweeping up a mess our house dog made by getting into the trash, she's franticly cleaning.. I felt like she was a conplete mess and there was nothing I could say to ease her so i just sat there on the couch staring at her amazed at her mental break down.. she went to our bathroom afterwards and turned on the shower and I cake in after her trying to talk to her again, she's frantically crying saying she just needs a shower that she feeos like her hormones are at an all time high and no one understands. She pulled herself together after her shower and came outside for the fire like everything was fine. She even talked to me normaly and kissed on me but at the end of it once everyone left My wife slept on the couch last night... So here I am the next morning asking, is my wife ungrateful? Is this pregnancy hormones? Am I the asshole? Is this me or her? Update- I mowed the lawn and helped with prepping sides alongside her mom. After that people started showing up and I was trying to tend to them. Her mom was helping but she ended up just cooking/prepping sides while my wife handled the decorating. Also regarding my wife climbing the stairs. I was not around any of the times she was asked to go to the basement, when she told me how many trips she made I got mad at her and told her she should have just asked me to do it. She said she didn't because I wasn't around and she was rushing trying to get things done. I didn't know she was sleeping on the couch, she originally crawled in bed with me and I fell asleep and woke up to her on the couch. Regarding the drinking, my wife told everyone they could bring alcohol because she wanted it to be very laid back and like a family BBQ