Hello..

My name is blank.. obviously lol, I’m 26 years old, I have 4 kids and I’m single currently. I’ve been through hell and back.

I’m $845 behind on rent right now.

I’m $209 behind on com Ed.

And I’m $100 behind on my phone bill.

Anyways……..

So I just had sex with somebody for money… And I feel like I am a horrible mother, a horrible person, a horrible daughter, and a horrible sister. I love my kids dearly and I would do anything for them in the world but I still feel like a really big piece of shit for doing this tonight I am currently drunk but at the same time I’m trying to do what I was taught to do since I was 10 years old. This is wrong but in my head it’s right.

I’ve been sexually molested since I was 10. I lost my virginity at 14.  honestly I just need someone to talk to right now and tell me that no matter what I’m doing right now that I’m still a good person and that if anybody ever needs to talk to me that I have somebody there. I have no friends because they all are users or they want to party.

I love my mom dearly but if I ever talk to her about things she probably would be so disgusted by me and never wanna talk to me again.

But at the same time she might totally understand and forgive me and talk to me but I’m so scared to even tell her anything because I don’t want to be judged I don’t want to disappoint her I don’t want to embarrass her or myself.

My dad is dead so I can’t talk to him.

Both of my baby daddies are pieces of shits, so I can’t count on them for anything. Which is fine because my kids are well taken care of. But mentally I am complete shit. Someone please just tell me what to do or how to deal with the shit I’m going through.