Need somewhere to vent!

I don’t really know where else to vent to people that don’t know me so here it goes 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

Me and my husband have been married 3 years today. We have a beautiful 3 year old together and a little girl on the way due in 7 weeks, he also has a 13 year old and an 8 year old from a previous relationship.

But I just don’t know where we are in our marriage anymore. We rarely have sex, that’s on me and I am well aware of that but I’m not affectionate because I feel so insecure and hate my body. Since our 3 year old was born I put on weight. I am not a size 8 girls anymore I’m a 12-14 and I haven’t had the time to go and fix that as my son is type one diabetic so I’m looking after him aswell as trying to work I’m exhausted all the time. Anyway he always makes comments about how I used to be fit and skinny and only I can fix the weight issue. I fully get that but what’s the need to bring me being skinny up? He will drive past girls around my size and fat shame them. How the hell does that make me feel when I am the same size? He makes so many comments I just hate it. Why would I want to get my body out in front of someone who talks about me that way? He’s always going on about fit women. I’ve gotten petty and started doing it back and making comments to him. I know it shouldn’t work that way and that’s not a healthy marriage but I’m fed up of it. He’s lazy. He sits there on his phone when he’s not at work, me being 33 weeks pregnant constantly picking up after him, his kids and our son. I am exhausted, I always make sure the house is clean when he comes home from work, he literally works 4/5 hours Monday-Friday I work more than him. He comes home makes a mess and sits there. He doesn’t tell me to stop and sit down he just plays games on his phone. We don’t kiss, in fact I don’t remember the last time we kissed. Today for our anniversary I got him a few small thoughtful gifts and a card. He got me nothing not even a card. He texted me this morning and said he was gonna give me money if I want to get myself something while I’m out, even though he was out, I joked back and said I’ll just get myself flowers then and he said yeah you may aswell? Obviously I diddnt. Where’s the thought in that? 3 years. 1 year. Or 10 years I just want passion and love. He hasn’t even got me a card I would have been more than happy with a card. I also suggested weeks ago asking family to watch the kids so we can go for dinner together, they would have been happy to watch them it wouldn’t have been an issue and moneys not a problem we can afford to go out without going mad. But he point blank said no and makes excuses. I don’t need gifts it’s not about that but it’s about effort. Anyway I haven’t even approached it. I don’t see the point he will say some random crap about it’s always him in the wrong that’s always his argument. It takes 2 to make a marriage work I’m well aware of that. We have chats every so often and I tell him what I want out of the marriage and visa Versa, it lasts no more than a week, and he literally just stops and carries on with the comments. I need more than this. And so does he clearly, a size 8 woman who will have sex with him whenever he wants?

Sorry I needed to get that out