In 3 days it’ll be 9 months since my mom passed from cancer. My dad passed 4 years before her . Same month ironically. It’s my first pregnancy without her . I went thru 5 pregnancies & births one being a still birth. She seen two of her grandkids start school ( something she really wanted ) . She was my biggest support and vice versa . Literally my best friend. I went straight back to work the day after she passed only taking off for the funeral. I lost my job a few weeks ago ( got another one the same day but i don’t start until later this month) . So it’s like an unpaid vacation or at least that’s how I’m putting it into perspective. Ever since she’s passed it’s like I’m just in a constant mindset of the worst things happening like the world ending or the us going to war or just anything happening terrible. Then being out of work is making things worse . I’m actually having time to think and feel. But because of all this I’m having a hard time bonding with the baby I’m carrying . I’m scared to get excited because i think something will go wrong. I just hate feeling fearful all the time. I just wanna enjoy life and my kids and this pregnancy . I just wish i had my mom. I feel alone even with supportive friends family and spouse. Idk i just needed to vent . Couldn’t find my journal tonight