Just nervous

Jessica • <3
I just need to get this out. I have been TTC for 42 months. I had a MC last March that broke my spirit. I've been mulling through life shielding myself from babies and pregnancy until just 3 weeks ago. My cousin and best friend had a beautiful baby boy. He's amazing and I love him so much. My hubby and and I kind of jumped of the TTC train but I've just been thinking about it a lot this month. My period is supposed to be here in 2 days according to glow. I'm a wreck. I talked to my aunt and told me that I need to stop looking at this app and just forget about it. My question is how do you forget about something you've devoted so much time to? We are still having unprotected relations and just enjoying each other and I honestly have been trying so hard to not think about it. Does anyone else have any ideas what I can do to not think about becoming a mommy? Seriously, I am grasping at straws at this point. Oh, and I just found out that my other cousin is 10 weeks along.