So i feel like I've been thru a lot in the past years. I struggled with toxic family and getting out of that has been a struggle.

During that time, my friends would describe me as someone strong. Someone who's not afraid. And i do believe i was stronger back then. In the sense that when it was like a family member throwing lowblows (verbally) and telling me the worst things, i could fight back. I could handle the chaos cause i was used to it.

And then after i left that place i did break down. It took me months to get myself together emotionally and be able to live a normal life. And i guess it had that underlying anger in me still, but i didn't want to do with that chaos. So when i got a new job, bitches were trying me, but not in the way that im used to. I'm Used to being threatened and called names, so it was easier for me to fight back so openly. The girls who would try me at my job were slick and i didn't know how to handle that because instead of letting my anger out i would let it consume me.

And i ended up leaving cause it was a toxic place too. I eventually fought back (not physically of course) but i was left with the resentment of "why was i being treated that way in the first place, when i didn't do anything."

And now it's months later and i find myself being so sensitive to everything. Not in a "i cry about everything" way. But in the sense that i feel everything. It's like every bad vibe i feel, that's why I figure out when someone is trying to be slick. Or when someone is super angry i feel the severity of it... But sometimes i am able to dissociate from my feelings and i don't feel anything at all.

But i find myself being so hyper focused on these feelings... Or i must say, these bad feelings... That sometimes i get so hung up on the little problems i realize i can't move past them, or it's not even that big of an issue.

I know i need a therapist. I know. I just want to know if anyone relates to the way i feel. Is there any advice? Did you ever get past the feeling of weakness?

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