Having a very hard time excepting this pregnancy

I have three children they’re all close in age my oldest is 4 1/2 my middle child will be three in January and my baby is nine months old I have been taking the mini pill since I had her I take it every day at 9 o’clock in the morning yesterday I was going to switch from the mini pill to the birth control patch because I was so paranoid to get pregnant Something inside of me told me to take an ovulation test because I continue to take them on the mini pill to make sure I avoid intercourse during ovulation just to be extra safe I’m sure it sounds kind of stupid but it’s the truth I got a Blasian positive ovulation test and was confused because I was fine on the 18th I chalked it up to be a cycle because you spot a lot while on the mini pill something told me just take a pregnancy test it’s going to be negative yes do it and damn if it was not negative I don’t know how I’m going to handle four kids I have a hard enough time struggling with three was hoping to hear from Women who are in the same situation with an unexpected pregnancy and how you are dealing with it I mean I know I am blessed I’m not trying to be selfish but I don’t know how I’m going to do this my husband works a lot so he’s hardly home my nine month old is super clingy and my kids don’t listen for shit when my husband is around