I haven't stopped crying since last night, I feel so trapped. I dont know if I even want this baby, it was unplanned but I chose not to terminate because I thought I wanted it and felt more grief than I expected when the first ultrasound showed I was measuring way behind and we weren't sure if something was wrong. Everything is looking just fine now but 19 weeks into this an im not excited, I'm just terrified and filled with dread. The thought of having a tiny, screaming, crying human basically attached to me at all times is making me feel ill, I feel like I'm going to resent my son. I still feel like a child myself my brain can't even process the concept of having a son. It would destroy my mother if I changed my mind this late into pregnancy and terminated after she's already gotten so excited. My friends won't stop talking about how excited they are for the baby and how they think im going to be a great parent. But I want out so bad, I want to just go back to the way things were, I'm terrified of my life changing so massively. I've had many thoughts of trying to cause a miscarriage so I never have to explain to anyone that I changed my mind because I'm so ashamed. I'm already on high doses of two antidepressants so I don't know what else to do to feel better about any of this.