I need help I know I do but I would like to see if anyone has had a similar story and has gotten better from therapy or anything. Please don’t judge …..

I feel like I’ve been depressed for a long time now but have been able to cover it up and push it down in a way where people wouldn’t think I was depressed at all. I don’t know if it’s depression and overstimulation altogether but I get so frustrated and irritated so fast that I react in a way I don’t want to. I yell at my kids a lot and trust me I try not to but I just burst, and I hate to admit it because I know ima get backlash on this but I spank my kids. And trust me I feel guilty right after. I try to fix it and talk to them. But it seems like all of that is pushing them away from me and it hurts soo bad that I can’t have more patience with them. I always have this heavy feeling in my chest like I’m full of anger and sadness and I want to cry but I just won’t come out. I’ve talked to my husband about it but all he says is everything will be okay. Please let me know I’m not crazy because i want to be better for them and for myself . I want to feel like me again.

I finally scheduled an appointment for therapy next week and I’m scared but I do feel a little relief..