I think I’m suffering from postpartum depression. Having two under two is exactly what I expected, I knew it would be hard, I don’t mind that. But I knew with my first that adjusting to life with a newborn would be hard, and I was still able to find joy in my day. Now, I feel constant guilt and anxiety; I feel like I can’t give either child the attention they need. I feel resentful of my toddler when she makes the baby cry. I feel resentful of my newborn when she won’t sleep and I have no energy to do fun things with my toddler. I feel like I’m failing them both, and I can’t enjoy either of them. I cry all day. I haven’t changed my clothes since Sunday because it feels pointless, they’re just going to get covered in spit up and snot as soon as I pick up the baby. I can’t remember the last time I had a meal that wasn’t scraps from my toddlers plate, because any time I actually have a minute to myself I’d rather sleep than eat. In the midst of exhaustion last night I confessed to my husband that I don’t think I’m cut out for this, and that sometimes I feel like I don’t want the baby anymore. I’m not bonding with her the way I did with my first. He told me the best thing to do is to focus on the kids and do what they need me to do and not let myself be so dramatic. So now I also feel like I need to try harder to put on a smile when he’s around, and that I can’t ask for help so he doesn’t think I’m wallowing or letting my feelings get in the way of taking care of the kids. I just don’t know what to do anymore.