Is this wrong?

So I am a stepmom to 3 kids and a bio mom of 1.

Our kid is the youngest. The stepkids' mom is in the picture and she has the kids over a slight majority of the time (60%vs40%)

Holidays are tricky because when they are at their mom's, we still try to gift our kid a little something on the holiday itself and keep most gifts for when we celebrate when all the kids are here. Above that, our kid has very involved godparents who come over often at the holiday to celebrate together and they also bring a gift for our kid.

What is tricky is that when the kids arrive here, they are picking apart every toy that is here, to make sure our kid isn't gifted anything more than we are gifting them. And I think that is wrong for a few reasons :

- I don't believe in gifting per budget (obviously it has to be within a certain budget.. but it's the happiness and the thought that counts.. not like each kid needs x amount of money spent on their gifts)

- We cannot control what other people buy for our kid

- They obviously get gifts from their mom and her side of the family as well. My stepkids are also gifted by my side of the family and also by the side of their stepdad. so they have 4 seperate families they get gifts from while our son only has mine and my partner's

Where I am, we celebrate Saint Nikolaas, which is the beginning of December. And when they came here the weekend after They were all like "ohh were did this come from, oh what's that? Is *our kid's name* going to get gifts with us too? Oh that wouldn't be fair!" And I saw my partner squirm to get out from under the questions and just told them both gifts were from our kid's godparents.. while one of these was obviously ours.

It's the first time this issue rose because our kid is now 2 and it will realise everyone will get gifts. Last year we didn't get our kid anything because of it's age and our budget (which was in turn fully spent on stepkids). Our kid was over the moon with the wrappers of everyone else's gifts.

I think the question was: would it be wrong if we celebrated twice with our kid (once with it alone, once with the siblings) and just once with all the kids here? Because YES we do gift our joint baby a little something more, but would that actually be unfair since the stepkids get so much more at their mom's? (mom and maternal grandparents spend 4 times the amount of money on gifts than we can. We can't actually get them that kind of gifts. It's not relevant, I don't want my kid to get all that, IMO It's suuuper over the top, they are 3 kids and they sometimes get over 500$ each per holiday (so $1500 per holiday), but it adds to my frustration when the stepkids are so damn greedy and jealous when our kid gets a 5$ extra gift)

I want to add that I don't feel resentful towards my stepkids, but I do feel uncomfortable with the situation because I don't want them to feel like we aren't treating them equally to our kid.

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:update in response :

They are 10, 13 and 16. It's mostly the 10yo, whereas the 13yo will then pickup on and make a huge deal out of. 16yo doesn't really care so much.

Their mom has it just the way she taught them. When 1 has a birthday, they all get gifts, so that's birthday gifts for everyone 3 times per year. When a kid hasn't maxxed out their budget for saint Nikolaas/Christmas (Yes, we celebrate that saint nic' as well, seperatly) she keeps calling them to add things to their lists because "they need more to spend their budget"

She will also check with the kids what we got them and mock the gifts we got them. (not expensive or nice or pretty enough or not enough gifts,..) I feel like by doing this she is actively fueling this behavior.