Okay this is going to be long i’m sorry but if anyone actually reads this whole thing and comments, thank you a lot.

My last relationship ended in May and I got back on tinder pretty fast. I matched with this guy and we started talking. He also just got out of a relationship but a month before me. We talked about what we were looking for now and he said “a friend I can kiss” and that was pretty much the same vibe I was going for so perfect. We talked for a couple days and then one day he texted me “I think you’re just looking for a hookup so idk if this is going to workout”. I was like what ??? I wasn’t looking for sex sex but just to have some fun and I explained that to him and we kept talking. Over the summer we planned to go to a drive in multiple times but he’d always cancel and it got to the point where I was like “okay bye it was nice meeting you but i’m over this” and then he was like nooo nooo. He said he was nervous and that’s the reason he was flaking so then like two days after we ended up meeting. I was going into it thinking we’ll have some fun but nothing like romantic or whatever.

At the drive in we kissed and it was amazing. We gave each other butterflies and we couldn’t stop kissing each other. It was like he was reading my mind and new exactly how I liked it. I remember him telling me he liked me multiple times and blushing and even saying something like “next time I wanna take you out for dinner”. I was like damn I kinda like you so i’ll give it a try even though I really don’t think i’m ready for another relationship. The next day I wanted to kinda make sure what he said wasn’t a lie so I asked and he said “I really enjoyed our night. I don’t fake that stuff” and that he meant everything he said that night. Couple days after obviously I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I remember calling him and asking him like how he felt about me. He said something about not thinking about being in a relationship with me and basically friend zoned me. (the background on him is that he told me he never really got to explore sex with lots of girls cuz he always ends up getting into a relationship so he really doesn’t want one.) I was lowkey crushed and VERY confused cuz wtf but I didn’t think too much about it cuz I knew it was probably for the best cuz I wasn’t ready. We continued talking about kissing and possibly hooking up though.

Keep in mind during this whole thing we talk everyday, non-stop, without leaving each other on read. And our conversations aren’t just about sex too.

So a couple weeks go by and we’ve been talking about him coming over to hookup. Long story short we have sex. After we finished he stayed for a bit to chat but he wasn’t that cuddly or anything. Fast forward a couple more weeks and we’ve hooked up a couple times at this point. From what he tells me Im the only girl he’s had sex with for all this time but he may or may not have kissed other girls. On halloween he ends up following me and my friends to a party to see me and of course we hookup and he stays over. The time he came over after that he asked if he could sleep over which was a bit weird cuz before he always said he doesn’t like staying over cuz he likes his own bed. We were super cuddly that night. Like he’d kiss my forehead and stuff and rubbed my back and played with my hair. We also just got on so well. My roommates the next day we’re like “you guys were so giggly, we could hear you laughing from downstairs”. The next time after that I remember after we fucked we were being really cuddly and I had got on top of him and bear hugged him and put my head in that space between his head and shoulder. He rubbed my back and after like a minute I got up cuz I didn’t wanna be too much and he said no can you go back. So I did and he rubbed my back again and we both almost fell asleep like that. He said he really liked it and later he even texted me saying we should fall asleep like that.

We also talked a lot over this period of time. Sometimes I’d have bad days where I want to be alone and he’ll always check up on me if I don’t text him for a while. Or once I said I needed space for a couple days and he refused to give me any cuz he said I should always have someone to talk to. He always double texts me if I don’t reply and says he misses me. He calls me in the morning sometimes to wake me up cuz he says he likes talking to me. He’ll call me after work for no reason just to chat. After sex he always offers to buy me food. Only problem is that we never hangout outside of the bedroom. But I know he hangs out with other girl friends so I get kinda annoyed by it and question if we’re really friends. Recently he said the reason he’s been avoiding hanging out is cuz he doesn’t wanna fall in love with me. like cmon…

Last couple days I just kinda realized how much I like him and I told him I needed space to just think and he would not leave me alone. I’d leave his text all day and he would text me again and ask if i’m okay and tell me he misses me. He asked if I felt anyway about him and I said “like mad?” and he said “idk anything” and I said no. Then he asked if he could come see me. I said I would think about it cuz I don’t really know if I could fuck him right now. He said I don’t wanna fuck I just wanna spend some quality time with you. I said okay i’m okay with that so he said we could go christmas shopping together. So he was outside parked and I got in and he just couldn’t stop looking at me. We kissed and ugh ofc now that I know I like him kissing him hits different. Like my whole heart was in it. We kissed for not even like a minute and he got really excited and was like do you wanna just go inside… I can christmas shop tomorrow. I just said okay cuz I don’t wanna go if he doesn’t want to. We walked back inside and my roommate was like “back so fast”. And he said “oh yeah she spent all my money” blah blah blah making jokes. We went upstairs and he started kissing me but I was feeling it cuz I was annoyed that yet again he didn’t actually wanna hangout with me. He went downstairs to smoke and I texted my friend what happened and literally started tearing up. He came back in the room and I guess didn’t think I was actually crying and said “why are you crying” really loud. I said “i’m not crying” then went to the washroom to cry LOL. My friend said I should kick him out so I went back in the room and sat on the bed and looked at him kinda serious. He said “should I go?” and I said “yeah” and he said “what? fr ? why?”. I explained how I was really excited to go shopping and he apologized and said we could still go just that he smoked now so couldn’t really drive. I didn’t really care anymore. We hugged it out and started kissing again. While kissing he whispered Im into you and I just pretended I didn’t hear. I just figured it was one of those things you say when your horny or wtv. After a bit we stopped and he said we should get married and move to Wisconsin. I was like shutuppp you bitch. He never says stuff like that. That night he also made a joke about me meeting his parents. I told him I was going home after he left and he offered to drive me which is way out of his way. I wouldn’t let him but I said he could drive me to the bus stop. We were chilling watching a movie and cuddling and admiring each other. He kissed me differently this time I think. Or maybe it’s just me imagining it. He layed on my chest and I played in his hair. Then his balls started hurting lmfaoo and he was actually in a lot of pain so he said he was going to go. I said okay then he asked if I was ready to go to the bus stop and I said “no like the bus comes in like an hour”. So he waited in pain which was really nice. We were going to his car and I had a bunch of bags and he opened the door for me and held my bags while I got in. In the middle of driving me he switched up and said “I’m going to drive you home instead” like bruh. Then he realized it was kinda dangerous to be driving cuz he only had one headlight, his wipers were broken ish and it was raining and dark. Soo he drove me to a closer bus stop. He couldn’t stop looking at me the whole car ride and put his hand on my thigh. We got to the bus stop and he even offered to wait with me and I said no. He looked sad cuz I opened the door to leave and he said wow no kiss goodbye. I kissed him goodbye and thanked him for driving me. When he drove away he put his window down and blew me a kiss and I blew him one back.

I’m very confused. Was this time different cuz of me or was it actually different? What do I do? Tell him how I feel? I don’t wanna stop seeing him though I like kissing him and just being close to him so much but maybe it’s for the best to let him go? He’s also like my best friend. I tell him pretty much everything.