Confused and Exhausted

I am just completely confused and exhausted by TTC baby #2.

I know other women have gone through this longer and I shouldn’t complain. It’s just feeling like a lot.

Last Christmas I found out I was pregnant. It ended up being ectopic and had to be terminated.

Then I found out I was pregnant again in September and made it to 10 weeks, truly thought everything was fine and we were in the clear and then suddenly I had a very traumatic miscarriage experience.

After 1.5 of no intimacy and bleeding nonstop i had a small reprieve of about two weeks and then I just started my first regular cycle since September. And instead of being excited by it and what that means, I just feel overwhelmed by it. By the idea that okay… here we go again. We can start trying, tracking, all of that. And what if i get pregnant again? How will i be able to even be excited? And what if it’s another loss?