My dad always calls me fat - vent

I don’t even think I’m fat, I’ve definitely gained some weight but I’ve been pregnant 3 times back to back last year (all ending in miscarriages.. my dad knows this. This miscarriage occurred at 12 weeks.) My body gains a few pounds immediately when I become pregnant too, always one of my first signs. I always tend to gain a good amount of weight early on.. my first pregnancy was a viable pregnancy and I gained half my pregnancy weight first trimester)

Anyway going through my third miscarriage right now, took the meds for it last week and still bleeding, and kind of extreme dieting (one low carb meal a day) and I’m also exercising. I know not the healthiest but I feel I really need to lose the weight

My moms birthday is next week. She is also dieting like me. I asked what she wants to do for her birthday, she said she’d love if we made her seafood, a veggie, and garlic bread. She asked if I’m eating bad on her birthday and I said maybe semi. Meaning having some bread that night.

My dad was there when we were talking and he’s like “who’s birthday is it?! Why do you get to eat bad when it’s moms birthday?!” I said bc I’m making the food and bc I know from experience if I have a craving I’m going to let myself give in every once in awhile, it’s not an all the time thing I’m gonna do. If I don’t let myself do that every once in awhile, I’m not gonna stick to it. Bread is one of my fav foods and if I want to eat a slice one time this week I’m gonna

I was about to leave their house before we were food talking. My mom said ok we will see you this week bc she knew my dads comment was out of line and I was about to leave anyway. And my dad said “she just wants to talk about all the cheat meals she’s gonna get in bc it’s your birthday!”

It flashes me back to high school when I was 110 pounds and 5 6 feet tall. I was literally at my slimiest and I felt fat bc my dad would regularly mention I was fat. I look back on pics and I truly can’t believe I thought I was fat. I was too thin of anything. It was bc of my dads comments. It literally made me quit eating meals and go jogging daily from his comments. I am now way more than 110 pounds. It’s like he literally doesn’t care or understand I’ve been back to back pregnant multiple times last year and I just wanna be pregnant so bad, it makes me feel so bad knowing im going through all of this and being called fat pretty much. I try to stay strong. And again, he knows about all of the pregnancy losses as we go through them!!!

Also I was at my grandmas house today to visit. My aunt was there, she whispered to me “are you pregnant?” I told her not now I’m currently going through my third miscarriage at 12 weeks. I thought she was told this, but I guess not. Then she felt so guilty, she said I didn’t mean you look fat!! Obviously I do! Why else would you ask that? I knew i did. I always gain weight in my stomach first thing as I gain weight

Anyway I’m not a cryer but my eyes keep watering that everyone thinks I’m fat when I’m going through all this trying to stay strong and I really just need a vent. Has anyone else gone through this? I hate it. No one gets it and I don’t feel supported by my dad and it really really bothers me