Slowly losing hope

Anyone else suffering from a mental illness that suffocates them and gives them pain they wouldn’t wish upon their worst enemy?

Lately my life has been spiraling downwards and I sometimes can’t catch a break. From failing my boards, losing friends and also unable to hold a relationship at all, I feel no good. I often cry so much that I ache in pain from crying and i feel like I am slowly letting my soul leave my body. I feel like I am suffocating so hard but I’m not? Idk it’s weird.

I would always think that your significant other would understand at least, but unfortunately they do not. Anything you say or tell them, then shoot you down and then they turn it onto you.

Lately I have been rude, very disrespectful but I have this constant fight or fought response to everything. It’s like I naturally have to be this way. A comment he made tonight after I tried to leave and get my own space, he said to me was, “I don’t wanna let you go and you won’t get rid of me this easy. I want to be there for you and stick by your side.” And etc etc etc, but what really caught me off guard was when he said “maybe I am just being an idiot staying tho idk”…..

If you were in my place, would you take that as a sign that he truly doesn’t like you and isn’t certain of you and see it going no where?