am i wrong? he thinks he doesn’t have to do anything in the house it’s all on me…

Question

my fiancé works his own business. so yes he works a long and i am very grateful for him. i also help him in ways with it. i create content for his socials for it. i post ads for him. i also respond to any inquiries through the ad i use to post the ads for him. i feel like i really do support him on this and always have. 
i am currently pregnant with our 3rd, due any day now. we have a 4 and 2 year old. so we have young kids. i get overwhelmed easily - something i need to work on i know. 
anyways, we were just discussing how it’s going to work once baby is here. 
so he thinks that i should do everything. some examples are: wake up whenever baby needs anything in middle of the night (i agree with this also), clean entire home (including deep cleans and daily cleans), do everyone’s laundry (including his own clothing + work clothes), clean up after him (he literally leaves garbage, wrappers, laundry, etc all around the house and i go around cleaning it up, cook dinner AND clean it up, and more. 
ok so i agree with everything there. i honestly don’t mind doing everything. the ONLY thing i have a problem with is cleaning up after dinner. this caused an argument. 
he wakes up and goes to the gym then goes to work. during this time i am up with the kids. cooking breakfast, tidying up, doing laundry, cleaning, doing homeschool with our 4 year old, cooking lunch again, etc etc etc. then i would be cooking dinner and then on the days he’s home early enough he would come home to a nice meal and then not even help me clean it???
he says it’s his time to spend with the kids. and i agree. BUT i just feel like it would make a big difference to me personally if he just cleans up after dinner. i told him if there’s ever a time he cooks, then i would clean. then he would go play video games while i have to continue to do household things…that’s not fair to me. 
basically i feel like he gets in his free time by going to the gym, then once he’s home he showers and then spends some time with the kids, then plays video games or does whatever he wants (so more free time) when do i get a break? when do i get my free time? not to mention, once baby is here i’ll be on call basically 24/7 feeding baby and doing everything baby needs…
long story short he thinks his only job is to work and be with the kids…
he said he has to work to pay for my things…tampons, etc. but that’s not true…i bring in some money as well. 
idk am i wrong?

Answer

It’s wild to me that there are really men who think like this. You’re a stay at home mom. If you didn’t stay home with your kids, you would have to pay a nanny or daycare. For three kids that would probably be like $2000+ You’re not a maid. You’re not there to clean up his food wrappers. You are literally there to care for children so that you don’t have to pay someone else. I would 100% not be fine with my husband telling me he won’t be helping me with the baby in the middle of the night. Like even if you’re EBF he can get up and change a diaper. I had a c section with my son so that would never have even worked for us. It’s not like you’re at home napping all day you have two other kids to take care of??? Like why does your sleep not matter. You are his wife, you are supposed to be his partner not his mommy.

Answer

In our house my job is to be the sahm, so when my husband is off of his job so am I, things become mutual responsibility. I naturally make dinner and clean up, but that means he watches the kids while I cook, and has to do bath time with them while I cleanup from dinner. In the morning if the kids wake before he leaves he participates with whatever comes up. Then free time between bathtime and bedtime, weekend free time, or him getting off work and dinner is shared. On weekends he helps clean and feed the children etc. I think you guys need to have a discussion about teamwork, how neither job is more important than the other, and you can mention how you help him with his job, and you’d like the effort reciprocated.

Answer

Did he actually say he has to work to pay for your tampons!?! OMG! What an ass!

Answer

You're married to an asshole.
You want to do it all, and he wants his housekeeper..
I do more household chores if I don't work, but we both live here and keeping the house is a shared responsibility. So is the children. So is our mental health and giving each other breaks when we can.
Your guy just wants to work and have everything else dealt with.

Answer

NO U ARE NOT WRONG!! I'd be livid pissed, & that shit would not fly with me 👌😤 based on what you posted, I'm kinda wondering what the point of u 2 being married is...? Sounds 2 me like he just wants a maid, not really a marriage. A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, as in teamwork. As in BOTH people SHARE the duties, workload, housework, ect, but he sounds like he just wants someone to do everything FOR him, not WITH him. If it were me, I'd say FUCK THAT, real fast! 👌

Answer

This is wild to me- so he wants to work regular hours and then relax but you should work 24/7? I wouldn’t put up with that

Answer

My partner helps me clean despite going to work, he lets me have a lie in on the weekends, and also cooks majority of the meals! He would do anything for me especially with me being pregnant with our 3rd and having hg. He tells me to sit down and relax while he try’s his best to clean up abit and cook tea or take the kids out just to give me some me time because he knows how I don’t get a break at all and always have my children and barley leave my house. He will run me nice baths and do me hot water bottles out the blue. I know I’m quite lucky so don’t take it for granted, I know many mums just like your self have partners that don’t think they have to do anything just because they work. News flash, I worked 12 hour shifts and my partner worked 8-9 hour shifts and both of us used to come home and share the house work because we both appreciate how hard it is and how we both need to work together. Hes one in a million I guess ❤️

am i wrong? he thinks he doesn’t have to do anything in the house it’s all on me…

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