My heart is broken…

Let me preface this with saying I haven’t been myself since my Mom passed. That was about 6 months ago. I feel like I haven’t genuinely laughed or smiled, or been able to fully enjoy things I’ve always enjoyed. It’s been so tough, and I’m scared I’m going to go crazy. My fiancé is away for a few months on a project his company has him on, and this has made things worse. I couldn’t hold things together when he called me last night and I broke down and it pissed him. He started rambling on and on saying he has to get up at 4:30 in the morning, and that we aren’t married yet because all I do is whine and bitch..I’ve asked him time and time again for some real quality time, and he just can’t do it. Sometimes I just want to be held and told everything’s gonna be ok..Obviously these conversations were has prior to him leaving. I feel like it’s always about someone or something else places before us. I feel like I’m on the back burner. I know it’s not his job to “heal” me, but I need some reassurance and a feeling of security, and I don’t get that from him. I’m really contemplating leaving. I cried uncontrollably last night because of some of the hurtful thing she said to me..so much I made myself throw up.