March 3, 2022 I found out I was pregnant, at first I was so focused on the moment that I did something I truly regret I prayed to God and said “Dear Lord, I’m not ready for a baby please let this be mistake please don’t let me be pregnant.” But something in me at the last moment made me change my mind, rather it was the way I saw how loving and supportive I saw my now husband get maybe even how excited I saw him get, or even if it was the realization that someone was actually growing inside of me. I was still having a cycle like flow going on so I went to the hospital the next day on March 4, 2022 I found out I was 5 weeks 5 days and that also I was having a threatened miscarriage as well a subchronic hematoma. At that very moment I was so scared I was going to lose my baby which in turn made me realize I want this baby more than ever! March 15, 2022 was my dating ultrasound I was still more scared than ever. As me and my now husband sat in the waiting room waiting it was my turn. I was nervous for many reasons 1. I had just told my mom that my symptoms was dying down. 2. I really wanted this child to be okay. I thought I was in the clear a little bit my bleeding had stopped. But the look on the technician face while doing the ultrasound was already heartbreaking as she said the words I’m sorry I can’t find anything me and my now husband heart broke into a million pieces. I learned that very day 2 things 1. You have to be careful what you pray for 2. You never know what you have until it’s gone. See we’ve trying for our rainbow baby ever since, feeling so discouraged when other would announce their pregnancy, praying trying to rush what we want! I’m learning that It’s okay to allow yourself to grieve and allow time for God to work, Gods timing is always the best time. You get so drained while on this journey of trying to conceive we forget to enjoy the beautiful moments we have right now, the actual presence and love of each other. God will teach you patience and I’m just now letting go and letting God. I’ve officially decided to leave it to God. I’m going to wait on him! I’m going to enjoy my time with my husband I have now, take time and adventure together, pray, laugh and love together just enjoy each other. And not rush God!!