Prayerfully expectant!

Iris • 30yo. Happily married for 11 yrs, trying for Baby #4. Baby 1 is now 5 and babies #2 & #3 soaring in heaven.
So today I should be celebrating hitting the 8 mth pregnancy maker but sadly due to a cord incident we lost Baby Eli at 5 mths. It's rough even now  3 mths later and I so often find myself rubbing my empty belly and wishing he was still with us. We've been TTC for 3 mths now with no success yet and I'm struggling with my longing for instant gratification. 
​Today I decided that I would paint the nursery. Why not? It's hard to be in there and yet therapeutic too, painting a fresh coat seems to ground me and remind me that hope is still there. 
AF is due this week. I honestly have no clue whether she's coming or not. And I refuse to test until I'm late so I'm not making myself crazy over nothing. But even if she does arrive, it is not the end all, be all. It's just a negative test, which is nothing compared to delivering my Baby Eli at 5 mths - so tiny yet already looking so much like my husband. 
​It's a rough road ladies, this business of getting pregnant. Don't lose hope. Be prayerfully expectant. I know how hard and frustrating it is to see negative after negative test, but when the time is right trust that it WILL happen!
​Sending love and baby dust to you all!