Lack of Support?

Question

Hi everyone,
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​My Husband and I are TTC #1 for us. I have a DS from a previous relationship and he has a DD from a previous relationship.
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​Over the last few days, it's really dawned on me that were we to have a baby, we'd be really on our own with it.
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​What I mean by this is that:
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​A. I don't get on with his Mum and his twin Sister.
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​B. His parents are the oddest grandparents I know. They don't get involved with their grandchildren (my DH's Sister has two young children also). His Mum moans if she has to look after them etc.
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​C. When I had my DS, my Mum was amazing - she was there to look after him for an hour if I had had no sleep, or she would ask to have him for a weekend because she loved to have him! Unfortunately, she passed away two years ago :(.
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​D. If I am ill, or if I am stuck for childcare etc, my DS's grandparents will happily watch my DS (he is 8). They ADORE him and are always asking to take him here and there, on holidays etc.
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​If my DH and I were to have a baby, I don't know if it would be difficult having no support for those days when you're ridiculously tired, stressed, emotional etc.
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​I know this is a bit of a vague post, but just wondering what you all thought. Am I over-thinking it all?
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​I think if I hadn't had children already and wasn't  aware of the tiredness etc, I wouldn't even be questioning it!
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​Much love ❤️ xx

Answer

Melissa, thank you so much for your reply.
​It's nice to know that it's not just me who feels this way.
​I don't really have a lot of friends, and those that I do, live a long way from me or I would feel awkward asking them.
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​It's so frustrating as my DS's grandparents are amazing - I wish they were my In-laws!!xx

Answer

Wow guys, what a fantastic response.
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​I'm so so grateful for you all taking the time to write such things.
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​Also, I think I'm just sad to think that a baby we might have wouldn't have the fantastic grandparents my DS had in my Mum and has in his Dad's parents.
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​'Tis life though I guess!
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​Baby dust to all you lovely ladies xxxx

Answer

completely understand, n warranted. i worry who my son would goto if my husband and i passed. theres not a family member to trust.  it takes a village to raise a child really.

Answer

I can soooo relate to not having a relative support system. From reading this thread it helps a lot to not feel the stress of not having support, but to imbrace others to develop a support group. THANK YOU

Answer

I agree with Mellisa. Your support group doesn't have to be related. My DH and I live by my family but they are so quick to hang anything they do for us over our heads that we TRY not to even ask. My support group is small with two other married couples 1 has 3 kids like us and the other has 1 child. But we all take turns helping each other out. Even if we all just hang out together we still get our break just with the kids in the background. Parenting itself is hard but what I've learned in my 12 years of doing it is that you have to create your own group of supporters and it may not be family. I hope this helped... Good luck

Answer

Jemma U can totally relate. We have little help because we have little family and those we have are not able to really handle our ds, who is 7 and developmentally delayed. We do, however, have some very good friends who can handle our son because they know him so well! We can ask them for help when we need a break. I suggest leaning on some friends or trying to make new friends with kids so you can build your own support network. I was surprised early on how easily friends will agee to help, then ask for help when they need it to! Share the burden so to speak!

Lack of Support?

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