Feeling deflated..

Me and my partner have been trying for 9months, I'm 21 and he is 26. I am not 100% on my cycle as it's different every month, I'm on cycle day 36 but I don't know if I'm late or still due on :( I tested this morning and got BFN but still persuade your self there maybe a faint line :( running out of will power. Iv had strange twinges on my left side for a few days but no usual cramping, I suffer with really bad cramps for the first 2 days of my period and I'm dreading AF this time. Just need a break through