Letting The Father Of Your Child Go.

Emani • I`m 24 years old. Mommy to two babies. US Navy Sailor😍
I can't seem to let the father of my child go. When we first met, it wasn't supposed to be serious. I told myself I wasn't looking for a relationship. But feelings got involved and I fell for him. I always knew there was an emotional detachment with him because of his family issues. But I stuck by his side to gain his trust and let him know that I'm here no matter what and that I wanted to be with him. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship because he has commitment issues. Yet and still, we continued to hang out and the chemistry between us got greater with every day we spent together. 9 months into our "-ship" I found out I was pregnant and HE SAID we'd work it out. Two weeks later a girl named Autumn who he promised his heart to three years prior to me came into town and within a week he had made the decision to be with her. I knew nothing about her until after I found out I was pregnant. I can't describe to you the pain I feel, it's like I've been hit by a 18-wheeler. He could've been straight up with me from the beginning and we wouldn't even be in this situation right now. I stopped talking to him for two months because I was obviously in a bitter state. I keep trying to figure out what was wrong with me. What she had that I didn't? Why he'd choose her over the mother of his child? Why was she so damn special? Afterwards I decided to get back on speaking terms with him, when hung out it was like nothing had changed between us...UNTIL THE PHONE RINGS... with Autumn on the other end of the phone. That's when I realized that we were only spend time together and going out and having sex because Autumn wasn't in town anymore...he was lonely. I told him that he never put me first even now as the mother of his child . I told him I could no longer sit here and be his second option. I left and he did even care enough to stop me. I blame myself all the time and I've become very bitter and depressed. My feelings a truely hurt. Even though we haven't spoken since that day, I yearn to talk to him, cuddle with him, just be in his presence. I wish I can just not care about him anymore, I mean after all he doesn't care about me...I just don't know where to even begin to pick up the pieces of my shattered life...someone please help .