Emotional roller coaster

So ladies , I need your support. I just came off the pill at the beginning of the month and have no idea when AF is going to come to town since I haven't been off the pill in about 15 years.  Today I was super emotional and crying for NO reason and my bf suggested (half jokingly) that I could be pregnant. I have no real idea when I am going to ovulate (although I did have a huge jump in my temperature a few dad ago) so it's hard to tell the chances of getting pregnant in the two times we have tried. So I took a test when I got home this afternoon and it said BFN. I am not sure if I am ok with it because we aren't really trying or if I am sad because I wouldn't mind being pregnant at all. I can't believe that I am this emotionally conflicted and we aren't even truly trying. I pray that we won't have to try for too long before I get a BFP because I am not sure I can handle the disappointment every month. Any suggestions of how to handle the roller coaster?