Pregnancy scares me

I have now lost 2 babies one at 5.5 months and one at a month :-/ they don't know yet why I haven't been able to hold a baby :-(  we want to try again but it scares me to think about trying again I have a fertility appt
​Coming up and hoping we get some form of good news I don't know if I can handle seeing his face with such excitement then such sadness when there is nothing on the ultrasound and we are in the ER bc of pain and bleeding again I want to give him the family he wants but it helps
​Me feel better knowing that understands that I have no control over it and he keeps telling me we will be parents it will happen I'm so hoping it will