Spice it up and still be sexy...?

How can you spice things up in the bedroom and still be sexy. My other half and I want to try new things but it's hard for me to understand how I can be sexy at the same time. For example...we are going to try anal. I've read that I need to relax. I'm sorry but I just don't see relaxing being an option(at least not the first time). How can I make something akward be something sexy at the same time? Does this make sense it am I just being confusing?