Does anybody else feel like it's kind of their fault?

Question

This may be a TMI post for some. Graphic and detailed

I was 17 and I was at a party. I had been drinking and had taken some drugs (mostly downers).

My "friend" told me about this guy that wanted to get with me .

I agreed to talk to the guy. We didn't talk in private, but it was in a bedroom. There was like four other people (men) in the room.

I don't really remember what happened to get to that point, but I do remember he stuck his penis in my mouth and moved my head back and forth so I'd suck it. Then, he got on top and did some business.  Somehow it moved to anal. It hurt so bad. It felt like glass shards.

I remember not even trying to fight. I remember just letting him do what he wanted to do. I did say that I didn't want to, but i didn't do much else.

I remember he only quit because he got mad that some poop ended up on him.

I remember just laying there, naked, exposed, in front of those other men who just sat there and watched, and did nothing to help me. They just picked up their beers and left the room after

I feel like, somehow, if it hadn't taken the downers, I would've been able to fight back. That I would've been able to do something about it. If I didn't have all those drugs in my system, my natural reactions would've kicked in.

Does anybody else feel like it's partly their fault? I'm 21 now and still worry that it's my fault

Answer

I understand what you mean. I was 19 when I was raped. I had been texting with a guy I had a class with the semester before, we had known each other through a mutual friend. He invited me to his fraternities party and being newly single I decided to go. We talked, danced, and made out that night. I was pretty tipsy but still able to function, but he offered to walk me home since I lived on the other side of campus.since I thought I knew him and could trust him I said sure. Once we got to my apartment he asked if he could come in, I told him it was a little drunk and didn't think it was a good idea. He forced by me and got increasingly violent saying I led him on, he beat and raped me, I fought back but he knocked me unconscious. Once I woke up he was gone and I was bruised, bloody, and my clothes were ripped. I have always kinda blamed myself, if I hadn't been drinking, if I hadn't kissed him, if I hadn't done a million things. Most victims blame themselves, it comes from the shame and stigma that our society teaches. It took me a long time in therapy to realize that the only thing that causes rape is the rapist. It is not anyone else's fault.

Answer

It took me almost five years before it even hit me that what had happened to me was rape. And even longer before I finally accepted that it was NOT my fault. Anyone who tells you that it was your fault is an idiot and is directly the reason why rape culture and victim blaming exist in America. This is the reason why so many women (myself included) do not come forward when incidences of rape occur. Because they fear that they will be blamed. And let's face it, that is the mentality of many, many people and it is disgusting. This is a topic I am passionate about and something that I am fighting and will continue fighting to change. 
I hope that you come to realize that what happened to you was ABSOLUTELY NOT your fault. You are not responsible for the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others. You are a beautiful, wonderful human being who did not deserve to be raped. NO ONE deserves that.

Answer

I was 19. I was at my friend's house. We had been drinking when her neighbor came over. She was nice to him so I thought he was okay. He took me inside her room and he start to climb on top of me. I kept telling
Him no. But he didn't listen. I was too drunk and could really scream or I would have. After he left I couldn't stop throwing up. I've never thrown up because of alcohol before.

Answer

This is not your fault. It does not matter what you did, what drugs you took, what you were wearing, etc, the second you said no, it constitutes rape. You were not in the right state of mind to even be able to give consent. This is no ones fault but your rapists. And the other men who sat in there and watched while it happened are just as bad as him. 
I was gang raped in high school by two guys I was hanging out with. I had snuck out of my house at night to hang out with them and I got drunk off a bottle of vodka one of them had supplied. I had no prior experience with alcohol before. They proceeded to shove me in the back of their car and take turns. I blacked in and out and said no more than several times. They had made the decision and it didn't matter what I did or said, they were going to get what they want. And they did. They also continued to harass me and torture me throughout high school. I was scared and young and naïve, I thought that if I didn't do what they wanted, they would take it anyway, and that is what they always did. I struggled for years with this, blaming myself constantly, I was so ashamed and didn't tell anyone.

Answer

I remember it Like yesterday. My story is similar to yours. It's not our fault but the guilt is still there. I wish I could say it gets better but I still feel guilty after 11 years.

Does anybody else feel like it's kind of their fault?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey