Something light hearted

I saw this on another forum it was very funny so I thought I would share here! 
1. You are either having a boy, a girl or a dinosaur. I'm really hoping for a dinosaur and will be incredibly disappointed if I find this growing bean is in fact, a baby. Calm your tits and wait for your scan to find out for sure cause half of these ultrasounds look like meatloaf to me.  
 2. If you fart within 30 minutes of feeling the baby move it was probably just gas. It still can totally be called flutters if ya want though. It's just fart flutters. If you're lucky it's your poop tickling your intestines and that week long constipation may be coming to an end.  
 3. If people are being mean to you about how much weight you've gained, the names you picked or any other baby related topics then you get to tell them to f^#% off. It really is the only acceptable reply to mean people.  
 4. If you dream about your babies gender then you probably shouldn't eat cheese before bed.  
 Also just a tip before I go, always clear your Google feed before you let someone else use your phone. Pregnant women Google some crazy $#!% and I would like to save you all the embarrassment that I recently endured.  
 Anyone else want to add to this"every answer not in the baby book" thread!?