For about a week or so, I've been over the moon happy with the fact that I was pregnant, but slowly my symptoms started disappearing starting with the sore boobs. Then the nausea started to go away and the dizziness followed by the fatigue. I was concerned so I went out and bought a pregnancy test... the best out there. Clear Blue Digital Advance. My night, suffice to say took a turn for the horrible when I read the words, "Not pregnant." I've been crying ever since and cannot help, but think what is wrong with me that a fertilized egg won't stick to my uterine lining... I've brought this up with my family doctor once before and he told me that I'd have to be trying to conceive for over a year seeing as I'm under 30. The thing is, when I got the news that I was pregnant, it was a happy accident. My boyfriend wasn't ready for a kid yet, but he was coming around to the idea of having a child.

I feel as though I am being punished for the things I've done in the past. I can't help, but think this... I'm really at a loss for what to do right now. I tried to take a walk to clear my head of all the noise that was going through it, that didn't work... I listened to music, which usually does the trick, but that didn't work... I can't stand this noise and this fear that it's never gonna happen...

Always the babysitter, never the mommy. :'(